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You wake up on a Monday morning feeling groggy and tired. You drag yourself out of bed and start getting ready for work. As you go through your morning routine, you notice an icky feeling creeping in. You start to feel overwhelmed and frustrated, and you're not sure why.
At this point, it's important to understand the difference between emotions and feelings. Emotions are automatic responses to stimuli, while feelings are our conscious experience of those emotions. In this scenario, the emotion you're experiencing might be sadness, but the feeling you're having is one of frustration and overwhelm. Imagine this scenario:
Jack's minding his own business in his room when out of nowhere, he hears his partner's voice booming. Suddenly his body goes into panic mode: he feels his muscles tensing up, his heart racing, and his palms sweaty, legs spaghetti. His mind's racing and thinking, "Oh no! My partner's angry with me! I’m afraid they will stop loving me!" What he experiences is fear.
Now, let's meet Lisa, who grew up in a peaceful home where raised voices were as rare as a leprechaun at the end of a rainbow. So, when her partner starts screaming, Lisa's heart races, and she can't help but grin from ear to ear, as she eagerly hurries over to hear the big news. What she experiences is surprise.
This is what I mean when I say we label and interpret emotions. This is how we make sense of what is going on outside, taking into account both the external and internal experiences.
Ah, the world as seen through the eyes of a 4-5 year old - we were the stars of the show! But hey, that's totally normal; it's all part of growing up. Fast forward to today, and we might find ourselves stuck in that same mindset. Maybe we've had a rough upbringing in an unsafe environment, where we had to focus on survival instead of personal development. Now, we're programmed to think that any problem in someone else's life is our fault. If they're upset, we must be the cause; if they're disgusted, it's our doing; if they don't say hi on the street, we're already racking our brains for the reason why they're mad at us.
Grown-ups know the importance of speaking up when something's bugging us. Maybe our friend's in a bad mood because their furry feline's feeling under the weather, or our partner just came home from a gruelling day at the office. And that crowd on the sidewalk? They're not giving us the side-eye - they're probably lost in their own world!
As grown-ups, we get to steer the ship on how we process our experiences and how we deal with them. Take, for instance, that fiery feeling of anger that suddenly ignites within us. Our heart races, our face flushes. But instead of jumping headfirst into the flames, we take a breather and step away, waiting for our calm and cool self to make a comeback. It's all about finding that sweet balance - our homeostasis.
We might not be able to hit repeat on this process like robots, but we can gradually navigate it with a calm and steady hand. We're all beautifully flawed human beings, bombarded with tons of emotions every day. It's okay to feel overwhelmed, lonely, or puzzled by all the information that our bodies and the world throw our way. You know what? There's no such thing as a "good" or "bad" emotion. It's just us and our feelings, and that's perfectly fine. Don't let anyone put a label on you or make you feel ashamed for who you are.