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Today's topic is the what, how, and why of self-awareness. Oh, and for my fellow deep thinkers, self-awareness does not equal introspection and ruminating on decisions and regrets; read on to learn why and what you can do to reap its real benefits.
In other words, you'll learn what it is, how to cultivate it, and why seeing ourselves clearly boosts our confidence and creativity. We make better decisions, form stronger bonds, and communicate more effectively. We are less likely to deceive, cheat, or steal. We are better individuals who are promoted more frequently. And we're more effective leaders, with happier employees and more profitable businesses. The catch is that, while most people believe they are self-aware, only 10%—15% of the people studied met the criteria.
WHAT IS SELF-AWARENESS?
Researchers and scientists studying human potential all over the world have come up with various definitions, as the population is only now becoming aware of the effectiveness of EQ. The most comprehensive description, however, comes from organisational psychologist and executive coach Tasha Eurich, who discovered two major components: internal and external.
INTERNAL SELF-AWARENESS
Or how well we understand our values, passions, aspirations, fit with our environment, reactions (including thoughts, feelings, behaviours, strengths, and weaknesses), and impact on others. Internal self-awareness is positively related to job and relationship satisfaction, personal and social control, and happiness, while negatively related to anxiety, stress, and depression.
EXTERNAL SELF-AWARENESS
Or understanding how other people perceive us in terms of the same factors mentioned above. According to our findings, people who understand how others perceive them are better at displaying empathy and understanding the perspectives of others. Employees have a better relationship with leaders who see themselves as their employees do, are more satisfied with them, and see them as more effective in general.
It's natural to believe that being high on one type of awareness implies being high on the other. However, research has revealed that there is almost no link between them. It's tempting to value internal self-awareness over external self-awareness. Leaders must actively work on both seeing themselves clearly and receiving feedback to understand how others see them.
Another blunder is confusing self-assurance or openness to feedback with self-awareness. Tasha discovered that leaders are classified into four types based on whether they are internally or externally self-aware. Balance reigns supreme!
WHAT ABOUT INTROSPECTION?
As I said at the beginning, it turns out that being introspective does not necessarily cultivate self-awareness. Not because introspection is wrong, but because we do it incorrectly. To understand this, consider the most common introspective question: "Why?" We ask this when we're trying to figure out our emotions (Why do I like Maria so much more than Ioana? ), our behaviour (Why did I freeze during that presentation? ), or our attitudes (Why am I so opposed to this idea?)
As it turns out, asking "why" is a surprisingly ineffective form of self-awareness. According to research, we simply do not have access to many of the unconscious thoughts, feelings, and motives we are looking for. Because so much is trapped outside of our conscious awareness, we tend to invent answers that feel true but are frequently incorrect. For example, after a sudden outburst at an employee, a new manager might believe that it came up because she isn't cut out for management when the true cause was a severe case of low blood sugar.
Is there a better introspective question if why isn't the right one? Research on self-aware individuals shows a distinct pattern: while the word "why" appeared less than 150 times in their interviews, the word "what" appeared over 1,000 times. To increase productive self-awareness and decrease unproductive rumination, we should ask what rather than why. "What" questions keep us objective, forward-thinking, and empowered to act on our new insights.
Consider Ana, a veteran of the entertainment industry who despised her job. She asked, "What are the situations that make me feel terrible, and what do they have in common?" where many would have gotten stuck thinking, "Why do I feel so terrible?" She realised she'd never be happy in that job, which gave her the confidence to pursue a new, far more fulfilling one.
Oh yeah, before I go, there's an awesome book I'd like to recommend to you. It's written by Nicole LePera aka The Holistic Psychologist and it is amazing for (re)starting on this awareness journey!